What They Don't Tell You at the Hospital - Part Two

Welcome to Part 2 of "What They Don't Tell You at the Hospital! Not everyone may experience all of these things, but from my own experiences and talking to other mothers, it seems I'm not the only one!

6. Your relationship with your husband will completely change - and maybe not for the better, at least at first. Even if you have the most understanding partner (I thought I did, too!), even he/she will be tired and grouchy, which will make you grouchy or even grouchier. You will spend every waking minute taking care of your new little bundle of joy and any second of time you have together, you will probably just fall asleep, even if you don't mean to. I'm not going to say much more about this, because you will totally know what I mean after only a few weeks. I think most of the time, it really does get better, but I'm starting to think that most new moms probably entertain the idea of "never having another child with that man ever again" at least once during the first year of their child's life. To be fair, I'm sure new moms aren't the easiest to live with, considering the hormones and all, and I'm sure our partners may have had similar thoughts. People who think having a child will solve their marital problems, though, are very sorely mistaken.

7. Once you pop out the kid, you're just "so-and-so's mom" and you might feel like you have completely lost your identity. A lot of times, pregnant women experience total strangers holding doors for them and family members being concerned about how they are feeling. But once you actually birth the child, all the attention becomes theirs. People may visit, but really, they want to see the baby and aren't so interested in how you're doing as much. There are a few people (usually a few family members and close friends who've been through this) who will be mindful of this and definitely be "checking up on you" (PPD and all that...), but generally, it can feel like most people are focused on the baby, sometimes even including your husband. To be honest, I didn't really feel all that much better physically (or mentally or emotionally) for months after having my daughter, but it always felt that my husband (and most people) were so focused on the baby (as I was) to notice that I was still feeling pretty terrible in more ways than one. Now that I'm doing this all over again with a second child, I have some plans set in place to give myself some much-needed pampering over the first couple of weeks of our son's life. It's probably not that people are "neglectful" on purpose...it's just that when you see a beautiful baby, that's all you can think about. In fact, I am sure I had been the same way to new moms before I had children.

8. The baby weight doesn't always just "fall off." Everyone told me that since I breastfed, I would lose the weight easily, but it was so not true. I gained approximately 27 pounds with my first pregnancy (definitely more than that with the second one). When I left the hospital, I had lost about 18 pounds of that and only had 9 more to go. I felt pretty good about this because I thought the breastfeeding would help me get the rest off. I know the reason it didn't come off as easily probably also had something to do with the food choices I made, but I never lost any more weight until I did something about it. It was very frustrating to see all the new breastfeeding moms who were back in their regular clothes within weeks of giving birth.

9. It's not that easy to "sleep when the baby sleeps." People who have never stayed home with a child every day really don't understand how difficult it is. Even if your child sleeps and you are able to get naps in (which I rarely did, so I wouldn't necessarily count on it!), they still eat every 2 to 3 hours (again, from the beginning of the nursing session), so how much sleep could you really catch up on when there are diapers to be changed, dishes to be done, meals to be eaten, etc. And not to mention that babies don't just sleep during all the time that they're not eating.

10 It will be awhile before you feel like "you" again. This is kind of hard to explain, but after the baby is born, everything tends to be about the baby, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. But as moms, we forget to keep up with the things we enjoy. For some reasons, dads seem to have no problem with this and may actually think it's ok to leave you all alone with your crying newborn while he is at work all day and then call at the end of the day to tell you he is going out for drinks with some coworkers and not to wait on him for dinner, and you are left without any kind of break. (My situation wasn't exactly like this but I have heard that it has happened to other moms.) You will feel utterly exhausted, sometimes to the point of delusional and like you have nothing of your own. Everyone else but you may seem to have resumed to their normal lives while you are still dealing with hormones, breastfeeding stress, severe lack of sleep, and all the extra baby weight.

Obviously, the pros of having a baby greatly outweigh all the negative things that come along with it. If that weren't true, people would choose to stop at one child and it seems that most people opt to have more than one. Most of these issues will hopefully resolve themselves as your newborn gets older and you adjust to the big change in your life, but it really can be overwhelming in the beginning. It is so important that you take care of yourself and give yourself a break. There is certainly a learning curve when it comes to motherhood!

 

Dear Baby Brother...

Tomorrow is your "due date" - whatever that means. Actually, the doctor's office listed today as your official due date after the dating ultrasound, but we all know dates don't matter. However, I must admit I'm getting a little frustrated with all the people who can't believe you will be 40 weeks tomorrow and there is no induction date set yet...please don't let it come to that!

It would be so great if you could decide to get things in motion and show up today...and here are all the reasons why!

1. Your room is pretty much ready. Even Grandpa Jim brought over the toy box he and Daddy started (and Grandpa finished). Yes, we still need to put your toys in it, but I promise that you won't need for at least the first couple of weeks;)
2. Your Grandpa Rick was discharged from the hospital yesterday, so if you were waiting on him to get home so he could be around, then you're all set!
3. We have your big sister's Easter basket almost ready (just need to put it together) and she has her Easter outfit ready to go.
4. If you came today, Mommy wouldn't have to worry about the results of the GBS test she had yesterday, even though it's probably negative just like the last one.
5. Since you so generously gave me yesterday to do a few things, I was able to get most of the cleaning done for the week...the rest isn't a big deal and could totally wait.
6. Our refrigerator is stocked with food! We have 16 or 17 (I've lost count) freezer meals and lots of leftover meals from food we made over the weekend and the last part of last week.
7. If you come today, Mommy doesn't have to have any more testing done to check on you, even though we are fairly certain that you are fine....
8. If you come today, Mommy also wouldn't have to decide whether or not to have a membrane sweep and whether or not we need to schedule an induction in a couple week's time. It would be better for all of us involved if you just showed up on your own:)
9. If you came today, we would be home from the hospital by the weekend and everyone could meet you at Easter. I think the weather is supposed to get a little warmer, too!
10. Our doctor is on call today and leaves tomorrow for a few days. He is a great doctor and is totally the best option for us concerning your birth. If you want him to be the one around when you decide to arrive, you better start doing something about it now!

So I know later in your life, you will want to do everything the opposite from what I tell you, but you're way too young to start doing that, so I would appreciate it if you would just take my advice at this point and come on out already! Your big sister is ready to meet you and she says she is going to be "the best big sister in the whole world!"

Baby Brother's Room

While we are waiting for Baby Brother's arrival, I thought I would post a couple of pictures of his room.

What They Don't Tell You at the Hospital - Part One

After reading my friend Holly's blog post about The Dark Side of Motherhood, I've been inspired to share with you a few of my not-so-great experiences after bringing a baby home as a brand new mom. Don't get me wrong - being a mother is great and nothing beats hearing your child laugh or seeing her smile for the first time, but it's not always the pretty picture some people like to paint, as Holly very clearly points out. I'm writing this post, not out of negativity or to scare first-time moms, but because they were things that would have been nice to know, because I was definitely unprepared for them the first time around. So here are a few things to think about as you bring home your new bundle of joy!

1. You will wake up in hot (and cold) sweats for several nights after having your child. I don't know if this was related to breastfeeding or just the hormones after having given birth, but I woke up several nights thinking I was seriously sick or having a reaction to my pain meds. My sheets and pajamas were literally soaked. When I called about it, they told me that was totally normal. Why no one ever thought to tell me this would happen, I will never know.

2. You won't be on time anywhere for at least the first 6 months. This really bugged me because I really prefer to be on time, whenever possible. However, when you have a newborn, someone always fills her diaper right before you leave or decides that she is hungry and must eat right now, even if you just fed her 10 minutes ago. It's like babies sense that there is somewhere important you need to be and they demand your immediate attention. The first day my husband and I attempted to leave the house, it took us hours. We had not packed the diaper bag before our daughter was born (I would totally recommend this!) so we spent most of the morning trying to figure out what to put in it. I know that sounds crazy because how long can it really take to pack a diaper bag? But between constant diaper changes, nursing every 2 hours (from the beginning of the nursing session - not the end), and not being able to put her down because she would cry, it literally took the two of us hours to be ready to leave the house.

3. You will be eating all your food that is supposed to be hot, cold, and all of your food that is supposed to be cold will be lukewarm by the time you get to it, especially if you are breastfeeding.  It's like babies totally know when you are getting ready to eat and then they decide they are hungry, too. I used to get so irritated by this because I would think that I had fed my daughter at a good time so that I would be able to eat in peace, but that rarely happened. Eventually, I got good enough at breastfeeding that I could do both at the same time, but that took awhile. Every parent has probably experienced having to eat their food at not-so-great temperatures (or not at all), but it is certainly at its worst with a newborn.

4. You will be hungrier than you have ever been in your entire life. If you choose to breastfeed, you will be amazed by how famished you are all the time. I had no idea I would be able to eat and eat and eat and never really feel full. (I don't recommend this if you want to lose the baby weight quickly!) Obviously, if you're nursing, you want to make sure you're eating enough because you really are still eating for two, but you also want to make good and healthy choices. Unfortunately, the healthy choices always seem to take longer to prepare. If at all possible, it's best to stock your refrigerator with fresh fruits and vegetables (that have already been washed and cut so you can just grab them) and other healthy snacks that give you energy and are easy to grab. One thing we also did both times was to prepare frozen meals ahead of time. People may bring you food after the baby is born, which is, by the way, one of the absolute best gifts you could give a new mom, but eventually that will end and you will be on your own for food. And no matter how understanding your husband is, he will probably not get that you don't have time to cook a nice dinner for all of you while you are just staying home with the baby. Plus, if you freeze meals, you have control over what is in them and you can make them healthier. Takeout is great for awhile, but trust me, you will get tired of that, too.

5. Your house will never truly be clean again - seriously. This was another difficult one for me. I love having my house picked up and clean. That is impossible to do with a child for a lot of reasons. You will be completely exhausted and cleaning while carrying a child around takes a lot longer than if you could just put her down and do it. Once I got the hang of "wearing" my baby, I was able to do some things like dust and vacuum, which made it easier. Unfortunately, this is also not one of those things that gets better. With a newborn, the mess is still primarily from just you and your significant other. As they grow older, children (gladly) add to this mess and are not at all worried that playing with a bottle of strawberry wine on the new carpet will cause such a fuss - yes, that did happen at our house!
 
Despite all these "setbacks," the sweet look on your newborn's face is totally worth it!

Be sure to stay tuned for Part 2!

I'm Taking a Poll!

We are 37 weeks today, according to my calculations, which technically puts Baby Brother at full term. I have been having contractions off and on for a couple of weeks. There are less Braxton Hicks contractions and more early labor contractions, though they haven't been consistent enough (yet) to throw me into full-blown labor. This is definitely much earlier than it was the last time, but it's hard to say if I just notice them more because I know what to watch for or if having a 2 and a half year old speeds up the process.

Anyway, I thought it might be fun to take a poll about when you think he will be born, how much he will weigh, and how long he will be.

Here are some facts to help you come up with your answer:

Anya

 

• Dating ultrasound placed her due date on May 29, 2010.
• My cycle charts placed her due date on June 2, 2010.
• She was born on June 4, 2010.
• She weighed 7 pounds, 7 ounces.
• She was 21 inches long.

This is a picture of me the day before she was born:

Baby Brother

• Dating ultrasound places his due date on March 26, 2013
• My cycle charts places his due date on March 27, 2013.

This is a belly picture at 35 weeks and 5 days:

With both pregnancies, my fundal height was (and has been) pretty much right on and neither doctor has ever expressed concern for either baby being too large or too small.

In the comments, please post:

1. When do you think Baby Brother will be born?
2. How much do you think he will weigh?
3. How long do you think he will be?

Getting Ready for Baby Brother!

The fact that I've had contractions off and on for the past couple of weeks has really made us feel like we need to get moving on our preparations for Baby Brother. We still have some things left to do but here are some of the things we've done so far:

1. Preparations for Labor:

• Doula - This time we are opting to go with a doula in an attempt to have a more natural birthing experience. The one we chose is really awesome and actually makes me excited to be in labor. I know that sounds weird, but it's true. We have had both our prep meetings with her to make decisions about interventions, write our birth plan, and to talk about comfort measures during labor. She has been very helpful in helping me answer any questions we have as get closer and we've been updating her on what happens at our doctor's appointments. We will call her once we are in labor and need her and she will be with us until Baby Brother is born and will stay to help us get breastfeeding started. Then, we will get a post-birth meeting a week or two afterwards to be sure everything is going well. Well worth the money in my opinion!
• Doctor - While we had no real complaints about the doctor we used to have, he was more medical-minded than we were. We have switched to a more natural-minded doctor who is on board with everything we have asked for. We know several people who have had births with him and have been extremely happy with him. He is an awesome doctor and if anyone is looking to switch, we would highly recommend him!
• Birth Plan - With the help of our doula and doctor, we came up with a birth plan that we are happy with. We realize that things do not always go as planned so some things may have to change as we go, but we at least have some idea of what we hope will happen and know that our doctor is aware of our wishes.
• Playlist - We are hoping to use some Music Therapy Assisted Childbirth techniques in our birth so I have a playlist of music divided into the different stages of labor.
• Comfort Measures - We have a small bag of "goodies" to help with labor that we plan to bring to the hospital. This bag includes some homemade heating pads (made from material and corn) that can be heated to help with pain, lemongrass essential oil (the smell reminds me of Jamaica), non-scented massage oil, massagers, a Pretty Pusher (a cute little "dress" to wear during labor that is super comfortable), snacks to help me keep my energy up, etc. Our doula also has a lot of things that she uses during labor that she will be bringing as well.

2. Preparing Anya - It seems like this is where most of our energy has been devoted to!

• Anya is now completely potty-trained, both day and night. It was not as hard as we thought it would be and we are so proud of her for catching on so easily.
• She has been out of her crib and in a "big girl bed" since before Christmas. We also redid her room in a Minnie Mouse theme to make her feel more like a "big girl."
• She has put together a gift for her baby brother that she plans to give him at the hospital. Baby Brother also has a gift for his big sister and we also have something for our "big girl" once he is born.
• We are in the middle of helping Anya write a letter to her Baby Brother but she is easily distracted, so it is taking some time....
• Perhaps the biggest "fight" has been trying to cut down her bedroom routine so we are not spending an hour every night trying to get her in bed. We have a pretty decent routine that involves brushing her teeth, going potty, and reading usually 1 or 2 short books, but when you add in all the temper tantrums that go along with being 2, it can be time-consuming.
• We have been doing a lot of talking about being a big sister and all the things she will be able to help with. She is going to be such a good big sister!

3. Preparations for Afterwards...

• As I've mentioned before, we've been cooking and freezing meals. So far, we have 13 meals: Broccoli and Cheddar Quiche, Macaroni and Cheese with Broccoli and Chicken, Baked Spaghetti (with ground turkey), Lasagna (ground turkey), Spaghetti Squash Lasagna, Calzones, Deep Dish Pizza Casserole, Layered Pasta Dish, Chicken Pot Pie Casserole, Crockpot Chicken Enchilada Soup, Broccoli Cheese Soup, Potato Soup, and Taco Casserole Bake. Most of these are light recipes, too, so that I can try to lose the weight as fast as possible.
• We have Baby Brother's baptism scheduled at our church and have godparents chosen. Everything is set for that so we won't have as much to do regarding this after he is born.
• We've installed both car seat bases and washed what can be washed with the carseat carrier.
• We've washed all the clothes we have

Stuff We Still Need to Do:

• We still need to order a few things like nipples for bottles, valves and membranes for the breastpump, a Baby K'Tan, a few pacifiers, mirrors for the cars, and a couple of sleepsacks and swaddlemes.
• We need to wash all of the bottles, bottle parts, and new pump parts so that they are ready, though it will be awhile before we should need these.
• Eric needs to go out to the barn to get the bouncer and the swing so that we can set them up in the house and wash the material. We used both of these quite a bit with Anya, so hopefully Baby Brother will like them, too.
• We have started packing for the hospital, but I would like to make a quick list of things that need to be added at the last minute so that we can do that quickly once we go into labor. If our labor goes as quickly as our doctor thinks it will, we won't have much time to worry about this!
• We still need to officially decide on a name. We have some ideas but nothing 100% decided, but he will have a name before we leave the hospital!

We have also been working on the nursery but I think that deserves it's own post at a later date!

                       

February

Just an update on my resolutions for the year:

1. Exercise: Things have been so busy that I've been struggling to even meet the bare minimum at this point, but I try to tell myself that I'm doing the best I can. I am doing a lot of cleaning and work around the house, and while I know that is not real exercise, any kind of movement I'm doing these days seems like an aerobic event. At this point in my pregnancy, my main goal is just to keep moving....

2. Reading: So far, I have ready 4 e-books and 4 novels and I'm currently working on finishing the fifth.

3. Writing: I have been keeping up with writing at least 1 blog a week on one of my 3 blogs. Hopefully, I can increase this number sometime soon.

4. MT Business: I have added a new piano student and have one that is planning to start when I come back from maternity leave. I also offered a workshop for Music and Wellness at St. Mary's a week or so ago, though we didn't get enough participants to actually hold the class. (But I got more participants signed up than the last time, so that's an improvement!)

5. House Projects: I have done a little bit of organizing, mostly to make room for all the good deals I'm getting with couponing. I've also started to wash some of the windows.

6. Finances: We have been able to stay under budget with eating out, with the exception of a weekend or two, though the fact that we have been under budget many of the other weekends makes it so that it still averages out to be less than what is budgeted each weekend, so I don't feel so bad about it. I think we have also been saving money with the couponing, and I'm hoping we can continue to get better at that. We are going to be able to save more money this month than last month, so that is a plus, too!

7. Miscellaneous:
    
     We now have 13 meals frozen in the freezer for after Baby Brother comes. We have another meal we are planning to add to that stash this week. I guess we will keep cooking until he gets here!

     We are almost done with Baby Brother's room. We are just waiting on a couple things; I am so excited to have it finished! The only thing we are really waiting for is a window seat that Eric and his dad made. I am hoping to post pictures soon.

     I am still keeping up with the Bible challenge. I can't believe there is so much from the Old Testament that I had forgotten about....this project has been very eye-opening!